A few weeks ago I was binge watching the Mindy Project and enjoying a Friday night at home. And a scripture kept popping into mind. “Do your best to live at peace with everyone”. I thought back to God “Lord I have I repented to everyone you put on my heart. Who else do I need to extend an olive branch to??” This was an honest prayer. I recently went as far back as high school to apologize and repent for some things they probably didn’t even remember I said. I truly thought I was in the clear. But God being God, brought someones name to mind. My heart sank.
And then I went through the process I always go through when it is time to be obedient. I try to convince myself I didn’t really hear God. I tried to rationalize my way out of it with “They won’t respond. It will be perceived wrongly. There is no point. That relationship is dead and gone.” But the more I tried to rationalize it the more my heart got stirred up. The Mindy Project got turned off and I found myself in a heap on the floor in tears typing out an email. I knew what I had to do. I wouldn’t be fighting it so hard if I didn’t know deep down I did owe this person an apology and that God was asking me to do it right then. This is what I learned in this process:
- Saying sorry requires an immense amount of humility. To admit that you hurt someone, whether you intended to or not, requires you to put aside your own hurts, resentments and fears and see a person as Gods child. Gods child that deserves compassion, grace and repentance. Gods child that was bruised by my carelessness, my sarcasm, my arrogance. It requires you to lay aside your pride and feelings and accept that Gods children deserve a heart felt “I am sorry”. No matter the circumstance.
- Saying sorry feels risky. People don’t always accept it, respond or even see your genuineness. But thats okay. Sometimes it takes time for people to process and sometimes they just won’t forgive you at all. But the risk is worth it. I have watched God redeem and restore so much in my life simply because I was brave enough to say “I’m sorry”. You won’t be able to see what God can do in your situations if you sit on your hands and hide behind fear. Be bold and speak up.
- Saying sorry isn’t about you. I tend to lean towards the selfish side of life. I am the youngest so I am going to blame it on that. But God continues to strip and remodel that part of my heart. The most important thing I learned with this apology was that it had nothing to do with me. But it had everything to do with my OBEDIENCE. God was asking something of me. That is the end of the discussion. My own feelings of pride, my own hurt, my own brokenness over the situation, really didn’t matter right now. God and I could deal with that later. Right now- He was asking me to love one of His children and to do it through repentance. What God asks is more important than how I feel.
I don’t know what your situation is, but if this nudged you in anyway, I encourage you to reach out and apologize. You may not see the fruit of your obedience right away or at all or you may see it instantly. But keep your eyes off your circumstances and keep them on God. God wants your obedience. Let Him handle the outcome. You just do what you’re told and trust that you won’t be disappointed.
This is sort of how I feel about eating healthy. I would rather have a hundred pancakes for breakfast but sticking to a relatively healthy diet reaps a reward that pancakes can never do. So this week no pancakes…but instead a smoothie bowl!
Smoothie Bowl Recipe
1 Frozen Banana
2 Handfuls of Spinach
A little bit of almond milk!
** You can add any frozen fruit in to make it thicker and also for flavor!
nuts- pecans, walnuts or almonds
bee pollen (never tried this but heard it was good! try at your own risk)
Berries (because its pretty)